She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
