Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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