all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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