Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
