I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
