i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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