so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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