i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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