Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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