It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
