living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
