There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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