Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
