It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
