Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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