My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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