T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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