went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My pussy is not your playground.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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