All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize