Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
