This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
