great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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