when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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