HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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