Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
