there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
