i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
