U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize