i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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