she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
