I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
