Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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