GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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