so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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