Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
