This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
