They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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