...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
