Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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