Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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