I need help removing her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
