You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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