At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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