Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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