What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
