she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
