I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
