At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
