I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
