He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
