first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
love makes seman taste better
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
