I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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