insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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