Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
