can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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