John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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