you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm having to shit out rocks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
