$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
