I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
