Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
