i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
