My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize