Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
