The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize