new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
