i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
