so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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