okay pat passed out under dana's car
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
