Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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