i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
